Discernment

Driving around on a beautiful day, I was thinking about discernment and alcohol and drugs. I was feeling fantastically clearheaded and enjoying listening to interesting stories on science and philosophy on the radio. It felt wonderful and it reminded me of the fantastic clearheadedness I felt the few times I did cocaine when I was in college. I actually had a conversation with my teenage boys about this recently. I wanted to be honest when they asked me how it felt but I was also honest about how horrible it was as the drug left my system, like ants crawling all over me, and the vicious craving for more. We talked about why I had chosen to do it each time and why I’ve never been tempted to do it again. And this led to a greater discussion about the temptations that both of them face in their lives.

I decided to get myself some soup instead of having a second coffee because I was already feeling very activated in my brain and it had been a while since I’d eaten. The interesting thing is that my deep sense of discernment had led me to say the following thing to my dinner companion the previous night. “This is something I have needed to talk about for a long time and I'm really enjoying this. So you should definitely drive me home later and I should have another whiskey and we should keep talking.“

That was Indeed the correct thing for me to do that night just as eating soup instead of having more coffee was the correct thing for me to do the next day. How do I find the place of clear headed discernment that I found in both of those situations and what tells me that I can trust it?   

I recently planned a trip to Ireland, where I lived from 1998 through 2003, to do some writing and to find something that I still can’t define but that I knew was waiting for me there. I'm keenly aware that alcohol has driven the creative juices of my Irish ancestors throughout history. I'm also aware that alcohol has been a destructive force for the Irish and I see firsthand how it has limited the potential and caused deep pain in many branches of my own family.

I had a funny conversation recently when I shared that had never done club drugs and that the thought scared me. At the same time, I shared that I had experienced the psychedelic drug Ayahuasca in a Shamanic ceremony. Why did the Ayahuasca feel nonthreatening and incredibly useful when the idea of club drugs felt scary and wrong? Why did a fourth whiskey feel right one night and a second coffee on another day feel wrong? 

A few yeago, I thoroughly enjoyed a radio interview with the musicians Tegan and Sara. One of them (and my apologies that I don’t remember which) described how safe and creatively useful the rave scene and its attendant drugs felt to her as a teen in comparison to the mall, where she feel under threat for her gender, her fashion and her sexual identity. Why does the same thing feel right to one person and wrong to another? Why is something just right on Tuesday and not at all right on Wednesday?

I believe that releasing the baggage that we carry within our physical bodies and within our emotional and energetic fields is the key to developing good discernment. Imagine that we can remove the internal roadblocks to our inner sense of what is right for us.  And in working to remove those blockages, we are refining our filters so that we become more and more efficient at noticing and embracing the things that support us and avoiding the things that do not. We can pay closer attention to the subtleties of how much and how often of any one thing is good for us.

I have spent many years working to release structural restrictions within all the layers of my physical body. I have also worked to release limiting thought patterns and emotional behaviors that do not serve me. During this process, I have witnessed the strengthening of my discernment and a greater ability to make decisions that are informed by both my intellect and my intuition within each moment.

This discernment is relevant not just to coffee and alcohol and drugs. This discernment helps me know the right thing to say to my children, be that calling them to account for their actions or simply offering food and hugs. It helps me have good boundaries with my clients and all of the people in my world. Good discernment informs all of the relationships in my life and all of the decisions I make about my time and energy.

I want to be clear about the difference between discernment and judgment. When we are honest with our feelings about something or someone, we can often feel that we are being judgmental. Learning to recognize our feelings and give them expression in a safe way allows us to gain perspective and work towards honest compassion for all of the factors and nuances of a situation. Clearing the emotional layers frees up our brains to be creative in considering new solutions and invites our spirits to work towards compassionate understanding of the larger forces at play.

Discernment is simply being clear about what is right for you in the moment. And it is a skill, like any other, that we can practice and strengthen.